Google Pizza - Are you ready?
- Details
- Created on 21 April 2016
- Written by Steve Burrows
The future is much closer than we may think. Are we ready for the new reality?
Call Center: Hi, this is Google Pizza, how may I help you?
Mr.Smith: Google what?
Call Center: Google Pizza. What would you like to order?
Mr.Smith: But I was calling Papa Luc Pizza...
Call Center: That’s right, it used to be Papa. Google is the new owner, and we are now offering a full range of services!
Mr.Smith: Great! Can you take my order?
Call Center: Absolutely! Your usual?
Mr.Smith: My usual? How do you know?
Call Center: We have your caller ID; in the last 53 calls from this number the order was for a large Hawaiian Pizza with extra cheese and ham, and also a super cold large bottle of Coke.
Mr.Smith: Wow, that’s something new! … Ok, all the same order!
Call Center: Excuse me, can I make a suggestion?
Mr.Smith: Sure!
Call Center: Do you know our new full menu?
Mr.Smith: No
Call Center: We have the most comprehensive menu. I would recommend you a cottage cheese and salad pizza with a bottle of low-salt carbonated water.
Mr.Smith: Cottage cheese and salad? Low salt? I hate these things! Are you nuts?
Call Center: That’s understandable, it’s for your own health. Besides, your cholesterol is very high...
Mr.Smith: How do you know?
Call Center: Our company maintains the largest database on Earth. With your phone number we know your name, and can access your medical test records....
Mr.Smith: I don't give a damn about your database! I don't want your cheese-and-salad pizza! I take proper medications and therefore I can eat whatever I want, isn't that clear?
Call Center: Sorry, but recently you weren't taking your medications.
Mr.Smith: How the hell do you know? Are you spying on me?
Call Center: Not at all! We happen to be managing databases for all city pharmacies, and the last time you filled your prescription was 3 months ago. And, there were only 30 pills in the bottle.
Mr.Smith: Damn your right! But how did you know?
Call Center: From your credit card records...
Mr.Smith: What?
Call Center: Well, every time you pay with your points credit card at the pharmacy, you get a discount. We maintain all the records. Over the last 3 months, you haven’t purchased anything at the pharmacy, but used your card in other places. Which means, you haven't lost or replaced it.
Mr.Smith: Son of a gun… But what if I paid cash? Ah?
Call Center: Impossible. You’re only paying cash $100 a week to your maid. As for the rest, you are only paying with your credit card
Mr.Smith: You bastards! How do you know how much I'm paying to the maid?
Call Center: Well, she is paying social insurance...
Mr.Smith: Go to hell!
Call Center: It's up to you. Sorry for your disappointment, but all this information is right at my screen, and I'm only trying to be helpful. You'd better visit your doctor, and fine-tune your dosage according to your last month tests...
Mr.Smith: Listen, you… I’m fed up with you, your computers, your databases and the Internet! And Google, and Facebook, and Twitter, and no privacy in this 21st century, and the Big Brother watching …
Call Center: Please, take it easy.. Getting frustrated doesn't do you any good...
Mr.Smith: Shut up! I’m leaving tomorrow! I will go far, far away from all this crap. To a remote island, wherever, without the Internet, computers, phones and people spying on me...
Call Center: I understand you...
Mr.Smith: For the last time I'll use my credit card to buy my airline ticket to the very end of the earth!
Call Center: Good...
Mr.Smith: Cancel my pizza order. I no longer want it!
Call Center: Sure, all done! But if you allow me, one last thing…
Mr.Smith: WHAT?!
Call Center: I would like to remind you that your passport has expired.
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