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Muttering(s)

Unstructured thoughts, discovered pearls, rants etc.

Google Pizza - Are you ready?

Details: Created on 21 April 2016; Written by Steve Burrows

The future is much closer than we may think. Are we ready for the new reality?

Call Center: Hi, this is Google Pizza, how may I help you?

Mr.Smith: Google what?

Call Center: Google Pizza. What would you like to order?

Mr.Smith: But I was calling Papa Luc Pizza...

Call Center: That’s right, it used to be Papa. Google is the new owner, and we are now offering a full range of services!

Mr.Smith: Great! Can you take my order?

Call Center: Absolutely! Your usual?

Mr.Smith: My usual? How do you know?

Call Center: We have your caller ID; in the last 53 calls from this number the order was for a large Hawaiian Pizza with extra cheese and ham, and also a super cold large bottle of Coke.

Mr.Smith: Wow, that’s something new! … Ok, all the same order!

Call Center: Excuse me, can I make a suggestion?

Mr.Smith: Sure!

Call Center: Do you know our new full menu?

Mr.Smith: No

Call Center: We have the most comprehensive menu. I would recommend you a cottage cheese and salad pizza with a bottle of low-salt carbonated water.

Mr.Smith: Cottage cheese and salad? Low salt? I hate these things! Are you nuts?

Call Center: That’s understandable, it’s for your own health. Besides, your cholesterol is very high...

Mr.Smith: How do you know?

Call Center: Our company maintains the largest database on Earth. With your phone number we know your name, and can access your medical test records....

Mr.Smith: I don't give a damn about your database! I don't want your cheese-and-salad pizza! I take proper medications and therefore I can eat whatever I want, isn't that clear?

Call Center: Sorry, but recently you weren't taking your medications.

Mr.Smith: How the hell do you know? Are you spying on me?

Call Center: Not at all! We happen to be managing databases for all city pharmacies, and the last time you filled your prescription was 3 months ago. And, there were only 30 pills in the bottle.

Mr.Smith: Damn your right! But how did you know?

Call Center: From your credit card records...

Mr.Smith: What?

Call Center: Well, every time you pay with your points credit card at the pharmacy, you get a discount. We maintain all the records. Over the last 3 months, you haven’t purchased anything at the pharmacy, but used your card in other places. Which means, you haven't lost or replaced it.

Mr.Smith: Son of a gun… But what if I paid cash? Ah?

Call Center: Impossible. You’re only paying cash $100 a week to your maid. As for the rest, you are only paying with your credit card

Mr.Smith: You bastards! How do you know how much I'm paying to the maid?

Call Center: Well, she is paying social insurance...

Mr.Smith: Go to hell!

Call Center: It's up to you. Sorry for your disappointment, but all this information is right at my screen, and I'm only trying to be helpful. You'd better visit your doctor, and fine-tune your dosage according to your last month tests...

Mr.Smith: Listen, you… I’m fed up with you, your computers, your databases and the Internet! And Google, and Facebook, and Twitter, and no privacy in this 21^st century, and the Big Brother watching …

Call Center: Please, take it easy.. Getting frustrated doesn't do you any good...

Mr.Smith: Shut up! I’m leaving tomorrow! I will go far, far away from all this crap. To a remote island, wherever, without the Internet, computers, phones and people spying on me...

Call Center: I understand you...

Mr.Smith: For the last time I'll use my credit card to buy my airline ticket to the very end of the earth!

Call Center: Good...

Mr.Smith: Cancel my pizza order. I no longer want it!

Call Center: Sure, all done! But if you allow me, one last thing…

Mr.Smith: WHAT?!

Call Center: I would like to remind you that your passport has expired.

Feel free to share

Source: http://winkledc.tumblr.com/post/33160490379/pizzeriagoogle

CodeClub.im, Not Just For Kids

Details: Created on 26 November 2014; Written by Steve Burrows

Since March this year a group of children and adults have been meeting on Saturday afternoons in Douglas to develop their Computing skills, in particular how to program and control computers, how to create with computers, and how to innovate. So far the club has run courses and lectures on programming (in Scratch and Python), robotics, crypto-currency, 3D game development, Wordpress for websites, satellite communications… with volunteers from around the island providing their expertise whether as IT professionals or expert hobbyists.

IT On Board

Details: Created on 10 November 2014; Written by Steve Burrows

IT goes wrong, we’re all used to that and the chances are that if your PC goes wrong you either call the IT helpdesk, or phone a friend, and they pop round and get it sorted, otherwise you go out to the PC shop. But what if you’re floating in the middle of an ocean on the other side of the world? Damp and salty air is not good for computers, nor is the vibration from big engines - providing and supporting shipboard IT is a bit beyond most IT suppliers but the Isle of Man, as befits its maritime heritage, is a significant player in onboard IT.

The Silence of The Laptop

Details: Created on 17 September 2013; Written by Steve Burrows

My wife's laptop was dying not so long ago, the screen wiring had gone so that the screen wouldn't work except when opened to a silly, unusable angle, and the keyboard was getting a bit flaky, keycaps falling off etc. Underneath these flaws it's a powerful machine, but a laptop with dodgy screen and keyboard is obviously not much use.

So I gave my, less powerful but fully functional, laptop to my wife, and took her old one to work where I repaired the screen hinge and plugged in a large external monitor and keyboard. Since then it has generally served me well, with two flaws - it often crashed when playing video, and the fan was very noisy. I got fed up of this and decided to see if I could improve matters.

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